I have to make small adjustments, but I can't change too much. If I'm worrying about that stuff too much then the show isn't as funny.

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.

I'm also disappointed in the Democrats that Hillary [Clintom] was the best they could get - It just keeps going back to Bush's and Clinton's - I'm sick of 'em! Even Jeb [Bush] was hanging in there for a minute.

I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.