People are too hung up on winning. I can get off on a really good helmet throw.

I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world.

I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won't matter if I get this guy out.

The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he's going to be.

You have only two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and the right controls the left half. It's a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.

Kids don't learn the fundamentals of baseball at the games anymore.

You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I'll show you a pennant. I'll show you the New York Yankees.