Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

I kinda like this Jay-Z thing, where he’s retired, but he keeps doing shows. I think I beat him to that. If you say you’re retired, people don’t bother you so much, and then if you want to do something, you can do it.

I think we're all sort of imprisoned by - or at least bound to - the choices we make... You want to say no at the right time and you want to say yes more sparingly.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

Those are my people, you know? The ones who are going to crash and burn.

I went to Second City, where you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good and National Lampoon, where you had to create everything out of nothing, and SNL, where you couldn't make any mistakes, and you learned what collaboration was.