If you're gay, you're gay. It's my Dennis Miller theory of homosexuality shot through the movie "Boy and the Dolphin." If you're a 12-year-old boy and you're watching the movie "Boy and a Dolphin" and a 27-year-old Sofia Loren crawls up out of the Aegean Sea after sponge diving, she's standing there in the deck of the boat in a see-through gauze top, rivulets of water dripping off her torso onto the deck of the boat. If you're a 12-year-old boy and you're watching that and you still want to make it with the captain of the boat, you're gay. You can't fight that. So it is what it is.

Lotsa people want to hurt me. That's the price you pay for being a big mouth.

Yeah, I'm obnoxious, yeah, I cut people off, yeah, I'm rude. You know why? Because you're busy.

I've been saying that all along, that if you open the door for gay marriage, then you have to have the polygamists and the triads and the commune people and everybody else, right?

Once the war against Saddam begins, we expect every American to support our military, and if they can't do that, to shut up.

Tom Hanks is a huge superstar. And people tell me he's a very nice guy, not arrogant, not an entitlement guy. But very quietly, Mr. Hanks has become a left-wing power player in Hollywood.

In a country where people's attention span is short and they are holding the clicker in their hand, and they got a hundred other options, you have to basically understand what the audience is responding to. If you don't, you're going to fail.