If you're gay, you're gay. It's my Dennis Miller theory of homosexuality shot through the movie "Boy and the Dolphin." If you're a 12-year-old boy and you're watching the movie "Boy and a Dolphin" and a 27-year-old Sofia Loren crawls up out of the Aegean Sea after sponge diving, she's standing there in the deck of the boat in a see-through gauze top, rivulets of water dripping off her torso onto the deck of the boat. If you're a 12-year-old boy and you're watching that and you still want to make it with the captain of the boat, you're gay. You can't fight that. So it is what it is.

If you the American citizen leave a child in a hot car and that child was harmed by that you will be charged with negligence even if your action was unintentional.

I figure you give Donald trump two years to see if his approach works, the business rather than the political approach. You'll see at the end of two years if new jobs are being created, money flow comes back from overseas, all of that, the immigration chaos subsides. You got to give him two years, but I think I know what he's trying to do and you know we'll watch it.

I know that Oswald killed Kennedy. Now, was he pushed? Encouraged to do it by outsiders? Possibly. Possibly. Was he sitting down with Fidel Castro? No.

You know what's really frightening? You (Jon Stewart) actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary, but it's true. You've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote.

I think Pope Francis is a guy who comes from a certain place in the world, and that shapes how he processes things. He's like a liberation theology guy, but I think that what he's done is focused the Catholic Church where it should be - on the poor.

I'm not going to change. Why would I change? I don't tweet like Donald Trump. I'm not on Facebook. I should amend that. I don't attack people using tweets, and I don't do the Facebook and I'm not going to - that's not my job.