Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be.

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth.

You know when I was depressed I said I didn't want to live? Well, I'll tell you something - I didn't want to die.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

I don't care a damn for your loyal service when you think I am right; when I really want it most is when you think I am wrong.

It turns out there's only one thing that capuchins really, really love - and that's sweet stuff. If you give them a big vat of say, marshmallow fluff, and you let them go at it, what they'll do is eat their body weight in marshmallow fluff, walk away, they'll vomit, and they'll come back and eat their body weight again. And they'll vomit. And they'll do that for as long as there is marshmallow fluff out there. They love marshmallow fluff.

Middle age is when you realize that you'll never live long enough to try all the recipes you spent thirty years clipping out of newspapers and magazines.