The reason socialism has failed around the world every time it's been tried is because people in socialist countries have looked at the United States and have said if they can have it that good, we can. It's a failed, flawed ideology, but if you ask socialists why it's always failed, it's because the United States has stood in the way.

...all members of Congress should be required wear NASCAR uniforms. You know, the kind with the patches? That way we'd know who is sponsoring each of them. I think he was kidding; they'd never be able to do it but it's a great idea and would wake people up in this country.

Success leaves clues, and if you sow the same seeds, youll reap the same rewards.

You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help you move a body? I was only kidding.

There are writers who go their whole lives and never hit that No. 1 spot.

Incredible brilliance often dwells on the razor's edge of madness.

I always have a different way of looking at things.