Women? Women are like...thunderstorms. They're beautiful to look at, and sometimes they're nice to listen to-but most of the time they're just plain inconvenient.

Sometimes, son," my father said, prying my fingers free, "you have to help the heroes along.

What is it we value? Innovation. Originality. Novelty. But most importantly...timeliness. I fear you may be too late, my confused, unfortunate, friend.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

The entire point of life is to find ways to get others to do your work for you. Don’t you know anything about basic economics?

It's easy to believe in something when you win all the time...The losses are what define a man's faith.

If you are anything like me --- Clever, fond of goat cheese, and devilishly handsome --- then you have undoubtedly read many books.