You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks. Sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant trucks loaded up with logs, and they pass each other on the highway... I don't understand that. I mean, if they need logs over there... and they need 'em over there, you'd think a phone call would save 'em a whole lot of trouble.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you.

I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.

Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?