I've got more friends than I've ever had in my life at the age of 39 - although given that I didn't have any friends until the age of 27, it doesn't say much - because I found the internet.

Let's all go and be feminists in the pub.

A library in the middle of a community is a cross between an emergency exit, a life raft and a festival.

...there is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, "You are a poo.

The first thing to improve society is not banning abortion, but making sure that everyone who had a child is in the best position to be able to rear it.

I can only work between the hours of 8:30 and 4:30, because that's when the kids are at school. So I get to do all my work and have all of my fun in that time, which means just sitting on a chair, typing, alternately clicking between writing a column and being on Twitter, and smoking as many cigarettes as I can before my lungs give out.

Life divides into amazing enjoyable times and appalling experiences that will make future amazing anecdotes.