I envy people who have the capacity to sit with another human being and find them endlessly interesting, I would rather watch TV. Of course this becomes eventually known to the other person.

Still, the word "boyfriend" starts to sound pathetic after age 30.

I say more power to [Madonna], though I don't know how much more power is out there.

Mothers are great. They outlast everything. But when they're bad, they're the worst thing that can happen.

It creates community when you talk about private things and you can find other people that have the same things.

I can like men who are a little light in the loafers.

If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.