Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex." "At least you know he's still available.

It's because you're too scared to tell anyone who you really love. Love makes us liars.

That’s why girls have boyfriends. So you have someone to take you to boring functions.

Well, what? Sophie-" "I hit her on the head with a mirror," Sophie said hopelessly. "One of those silver-backed ones, so it was quite heavy. She went down just like a stone, miss. So I...I tied her to the bed and I came looking for you.

with his customary crooked smile, “are just too unlikely to dwell upon.

his parabatai rune was bleeding

Picture this," said Magnus. "Me with a little monkey friend. I could teach him tricks. I could dress him in a cunning jacket. He could look just like me! But more monkey-shaped.