So what if Brian made me feel like fireworks were going off inside me. He could also make me feel like a big fat clod of heartsick dirt. It was like he could take any emotion I had and make it ten times stronger. Which is great when it's happiness but pretty darn awful if it's anything sad.

And if I didn’t, I’d spend the rest of my life wondering who I could have turned into if only I’d had the guts to try.

I milked, of course, and did some work around the barn, and tried not to think about Brian, which was like trying not to breathe.

How could I pretend to be someone else when I was already failing at being the person I already was?

You can’t think about how much you have left to do because that’s just one thought, one sad thought, that’ll make you bummed out all day long. Instead you’ve got to think about how much you’ve already done.

Today exists between yesterday and tomorrow.

And that's where our conversation went from there, than God, both of us laughing our butts off at the thought of a hoops game between two teams on intravenous fluids. Which makes absolutely no sense at all; I know that. But that's why it cheered me up, because it was so absolutely stupid. It cheered me up more than I'd ever thought I'd be cheered up again.