That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

Was I the only person who was distracted by this future without a chance?

Things get bad for all of us, almost continually, and what we do under the constant stress reveals who/what we are.

I mean, say that you figure that everything is senseless, then it can't be quite senseless because you are aware that it's senseless and your awareness of senselessness almost gives it sense. You know what I mean?

Humanity, you never had it from the beginning." That was my motto.

It didn't pay to trust another human being. Humans didn't have it, whatever it took.

she is no longer the beautiful woman she was. she sends photos of herself sitting upon a rock by the ocean alone and damned. I could have had her once. I wonder if she thinks I could have saved her?