The years have gone by quickly. Death sits in the seat next to me. We make a lovely couple.

My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover. ~ Falsely yours

terror finally becomes almost bearable but never quite terror creeps like a cat crawls like a cat across my mind

Oh, I don’t mean you’re handsome, not the way people think of handsome. Your face seems kind. But your eyes - they’re beautiful. They’re wild, crazy, like some animal peering out of a forest on fire.

so it's always a process of letting go, one way or another

I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of.

I only want sweet peace and kindliness when I awaken -- but there's always some finger pointing, telling me some terrible deed I committed during the night. It seems I make a lot of mistakes and it seems that I am not allowed any.