I wasn’t lonely. I experienced no self-pity. I was just caught up in a life in which I could find no meaning.

...maybe a damned good night's sleep will bring me back to a gentle sanity. But at the moment, I look about this room and, like myself, it's all in disarray: things fallen out of place, cluttered, jumbled, lost, knocked over and I can't put it straight, don't want to. Perhaps living through these petty days will get us ready for the dangerous ones.

Most people's deaths are a sham. There's nothing left to die.

Before my death I hope to obtain my life.

It was too much. The comfortable people made comfortable jokes about weather and things but I sat mostly silent saying a word or so when necessary a word or so trying to hide from them the fact that I was a fool and feeling terrible And I was numb, numb again, numb again again and again, numbness and pain swelling in me.

Love dries up, I thought as I walked back to the bathroom, even faster than sperm.

Some lose all mind and become soul,insane. some lose all soul and become mind, intellectual. some lose both and become accepted