I bought a pair of Birkenstocks today - let's be real. I wanted a chunky sandal that was functional. That should tell you where I am at as far as fashion.

People always come up to me and say, Oh, you're Chloe Se-VIG-ny, right? Sevigny. Number seven, letter e.

I'd like to find someone to procreate with - as sexy as that sounds. If you're out and about and fit the description, come up and say hi. I won't bite. Well, maybe a little, if you're lucky.

The other day I got a text from a boy, but it wasn't hot. I mean, if you're going to text me every day, you haven't seen me for months and you're trying to seduce me, you'd better spice up that text and make it more exciting than 'How was your day? I hope you're having a beautiful one.' Sadly, I haven't been doing a lot of kissing lately.

In Hollywood, you can't say anything bad about anybody or everyone is going to attack you.

If I'm feeling down in the dumps, or like I need a pop of colour, I'll put on MAC's Lipstick in Lady Danger. I discovered red lipstick when I did the Oscar season: Chanel sent me one and I realised how classic and glamorous it can be.

It's like you always have to put on a happy face, be the phony baloney, and I'm so not that. I never was that; I'll never be that. That is part of the business that I don't like.