On the one hand, I'm grateful to be hired and thrilled to be paid.
Then in college I became obsessed with film, and wanted to be part of that.
I didn't have a teacher like Sister Mary Ignatius.
I need a life. I need a friend. I need a change. But nothing ever changes.
Unless you go through all the genuine angers you feel, both justified and unjustified, the feelings of love that you have will not have any legitimate base and will be at least partially false. Plus, eventually you will go crazy.
My biggest problem with organized religion is that God has been imagined as a human being with emotions. I feel if you let go of that, then it's possible to see God as a force, to connect to him or her spiritually.