[Concerning monotheistic religions] The only thing these hysterical cults have in common is the belief that this world will be consumed, and deservedly so, when the moment is ripe. They also, all of them, profess a great disdain for earthly possessions. Yet they pass the intervening time in haggling over the most trivial and paltry property rights, over caves and rocks and disputable pieces of archeological rubbish.

When you consider how many millions of workdays begin with hangovers great and small, it is mildly ­surprising to find how few real descriptions of the experience our literature can boast.

No, nothing is sacred. And even if there were to be something called sacred, we mere primates wouldn't be able to decide which book or which idol or which city was the truly holy one. Thus, the only thing that should be upheld at all costs and without qualification is the right of free expression, because if that goes, then so do all other claims of right as well.

At Oxford one was positively encouraged to take wine during tutorials. The tongue must be untied.

There is no English surname, however ancient and dignified, that cannot instantly be improved by the prefix ‘Spanker’.

And the pleasures and rewards of the intellect are inseparable from angst, uncertainty, conflict and even despair.

I have often thought that when I do die it will be of sheer boredom.