I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

How far would you go for someone you love ? Well, when my grandkids ask me how I pledged my love to their grandma, I'll say, I told her I would die for her, after I found out I didn't have an incurable disease. Then, I ran away while grandma was getting her ass kicked by a pregnant woman that grandpa slept with. You never know when you're making a memory.

We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.

They call it torture when our guys put underwear on a guy's head, stripped him naked, put an egg between his buttcheeks and made him do jumping jacks. You know, if it can't get you into a fraternity at Chico State University, it's not torture.

The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.

Born free. Taxed to death.

My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.