If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Oh sure, it seems obvious now, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't think of it when it's relevant. Seriously, punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.

As of right now, I am in love with her, and that love is the biggest problem in my life.

Gay marriage should be legalized in america because gay men are the only men who want to be married.

It's peculiar what you remember when you're not trying.

Booze is the greatest of all equalizers. Rich drunks and poor drunks both pass out the same way.

Everyone knows history is written by the winners, but that cliche misses a crucial detail: Over time, the winners are always the progressives. Conservatism can only win in the short term, because society cannot stop evolving (and social evolution inevitably dovetails with the agenda of those who see change as an abstract positive). It might take seventy years, but it always happens eventually. Serious historians are, almost without exception, self-styled progressives. Radical views--even the awful ones--improve with age.

Seeing no resolution to my existential recognition of loss, I decide to eat lunch.