I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing.

People would ask me to autograph their bodies and then the next time I'd see them on tour they'd have my autograph tattooed. I decided I wouldn't write on people anymore, but I'd give them arms and legs and if they wanted those autographed I'd do that.

Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

Let me be the ring leader in your guilt gang-bang.

Nothing happened, and nothing kept happening.

I'm not really into comfort books. There are too many of those as it is. Just sort of narcotic books, like my grandmother used to read. They have value like Paxil has value, but there's plenty of them in the world already. There's a shortage of confronting, stimulating, exciting books.

Don't write about your most emotionally charged moment as a learning thing.