I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise.

The worst part of writing fiction is the fear of wasting your life behind a keyboard. The idea that, dying, you'll realize you only lived on paper. Your only adventures were make-believe, and while the world fought and kissed, you sat in some dark room masturbating and making money.

I'm not so much a good friend as I'm the savior who wants you to worship him forever.

A comedy ends with a wedding, and a tragedy ends with a funeral: you always have to juxtapose sex and death.

Trust me, the being-dead part is much easier than the dying part. If you can watch much television, then being dead will be a cinch. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

Deliver me, Tyler, from being perfect and complete.

The government says Rant's alive because they need a villain. The kids say he's alive because they need a hero.