What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.

Life is short, death is forever

Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.

Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

I learned all those jokes in second grade. Second grade is really where they tell you those horrific jokes, racist jokes and misogynistic jokes that you have no idea what they mean, and you just memorize them because they have a very strong effect, they make people laugh in this kind of nervous, horrible way, and it's only later that you realize that you've got a head full of crap.

When I see people talking on the internet about me or my work it's almost always more a description of themselves and so I never really think of myself as anything more than just who I always was.

No, none of us seem so very real. We're only supporting characters in the lives of each other. Any real truth, any precious fact will always be lost in a mountain of shattered make-believe.