The first time we meet another person an insidious little voice in our heads says, "I might wear eyeglasses or be chunky around the hips or a girl, but at least I'm not Gay or Black or a Jew." Meaning: I may be me- but at least I have the good sense not to be YOU.

Any time some well-meaning person forces you to demonstrate you have no talent and rubs your nose in the fact you're a failure at the only dream you ever had, take another drink.

What they don't teach you in art school is how your whole life is about discovering who you already were.

Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly -- all these make for great stories.

Her voice makes me think of her mouth makes me think of her breath makes me think of her breasts.

Doesn't reincarnation strike you as just another form of procrastination?

some soap opera, you know, real people pretending to be fake people with made-up problems being watched by real people to forget their real problems.