The Canadian version of Julius Caesar's memoirs? I came, I saw, I coped.

Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire.

Among artists without talent Marxism will always be popular, since it enables them to blame society for the fact that nobody wants to hear what they have to say.

Every sentence he manages to utter scatters its component parts like pond water from a verb chasing its own tail.

"Nationwide" featured an amazing collection of apprentice impersonators. From all over Britain, schoolchildren materialised via local studios to give us their imitations of the mighty. There were at least three uncannily accurate Margaret Thatchers, their eyelids fatigued with condescension and their voices swooping and whining like dive-bombers.

Writers quite often starve. And I'm mainly just writing critical prose and poetry, that's a formula for starvation.

Common sense and a sense of humour are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humour is just common sense, dancing. Those who lack humour are without judgment and should be trusted with nothing.