Stop worrying, nobody gets out of this world alive.

A sense of humour is common sense dancing.

Once, BBC television had echoed BBC radio in being a haven for standard English pronunciation. Then regional accents came in: a democratic plus. Then slipshod usage came in: an egalitarian minus. By now slovenly grammar is even more rife on the BBC channels than on ITV. In this regard a decline can be clearly charted... If the BBC, once the guardian of the English language, has now become its most implacable enemy, let us at least be grateful when the massacre is carried out with style.

Men never sound more stupid than when they're telling you they're a very complex personality.

An education without a Bible education is no education.

Snooker is just chess with balls.

A loose horse is any horse sensible enough to get rid of its rider at an early stage and carry on unencumbered.