Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.

Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. And on her way out she said, 'That locks down the Hispanic vote.'

Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it's been since I have been able to wear my "Go Iran" T-shirt?

Thousands of legal and illegal immigrants staged what they called a Day Without Immigrants. Or, as it's known in Utah, Monday.

Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.' Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats.

At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.'

California Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they're just being paranoid.