The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'
Conan O'BrienThousands of legal and illegal immigrants staged what they called a Day Without Immigrants. Or, as it's known in Utah, Monday.
Conan O'BrienThe CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare - which is odd because most people won't eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.
Conan O'BrienIn the Year 2000 due to the declining number of champions in the world, Wheaties will change its slogan to 'Breakfast of Sexual Deviants.
Conan O'Brien