The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'

Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.

Let’s just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.'

Pope Francis announced that next year he is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama lets in yet another guy from South America.'

My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.

Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you train day and night for four years to be in the Olympics for badminton, in a way, haven't you already lost?

NBC announced that during the summer Olympics they will set a new record by airing over 1200 hours of coverage. Which is amazing because that's 10 hours longer than the coverage of Reagan's funeral.