Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less.

It was reported today that U.S. military bases will not show 'Brokeback Mountain.' However, during interrogations, U.S. troops will continue to show 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.'

It's starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you're in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened.

President Obama, by the way, has set a Guinness World Record as the fastest person to get a million Twitter followers. Obama now has as many followers as the Republicans have presidential candidates.

Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked to join the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'

President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.

Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.