Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.

The White House admitted that Vice President Biden's endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So in a related story millions of Americans are trying to get Biden hooked on pot.

One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.

The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.

Playboy magazine announced that they are going to support the troops by sending them emails from Playboy playmates. After hearing this the U.S. troops said 'Just our luck, we get emails from playmates, but we're embedded with Geraldo.'

The birth certificate of the royal baby lists her parents' occupations as being 'the prince and princess of the United Kingdom.' It says that under occupation, which I guess sounds better than 'unemployed.'

Thousands of legal and illegal immigrants staged what they called a Day Without Immigrants. Or, as it's known in Utah, Monday.