I would like to say in defense of the Christian religion that there are nice things about it. There really are. And Marilyn can tear up the Bible all he wants and I understand why, but... there's good things in the Bible. Good things. Like about, you know, not killing people, and... you know... not sleeping with people's husbands.

I don't think you can ever do too much. Life would be so boring if you didn't have these, like, holes to fall into and climb out of. I want to do everything. I just want everything. I don't think you can ever have too much.

If you want to ask about my drug problem, go ask my big, fat, smart, ten pound daughter, she'll answer any questions you have about it.

No guy is worth your tears, but when you find that one that could be worth it, he shouldn't make you cry.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real

Unless there are pictures, I don't admit to anything.

Only dumb people are happy.