Ambition is something you turn into a plan to create an online personality, a brand, a network.

In college, unable to be "special" - or in demand - as a girl, I made myself useful, even essential, in my microcosm - as a writer and photographer for the band, particularly for the band director. My "specialness" was to produce something of value, not to look like something (with that different kind of "value"), so I was still fundamentally invisible, but had a significant purpose.

Girls are not just put on earth for men's amusement while they do the important things.

Despite my belief that somehow my work would get me where I wanted to be, there was still some kind of fathomless yearning. Yes, my career aspirations were always goading me. But partially, I think I tried to let those dreams replace or become the other yearning, to have that other form of value.

I always expected my work to be what was noticed, appreciated or what would eventually succeed, not my sexuality.

Ambition is something you turn into a plan to create an online personality, a brand, a network.

Sadly, too much has changed about publishing ... not only does attractiveness matter to agents and editors, but there's no room anymore for a reclusive writer.