Like so many other nerdy, disaffected young people of that time, I dreamed of becoming an 'artist', i.e., somebody whose adult job was original and creative instead of tedious and dronelike.
David Foster WallaceI was never the sort of child who believed in "monsters under the bed" or vampires, or who needed a night-light in his bedroom; on the contrary, my father...once laughingly told my mother that he thought I might suffer from a type of benign psychosis called "antiparanoia," in which I seemed to believe that I was the object of an intricate universal conspiracy to make me so happy I could hardly stand it.
David Foster WallaceI felt despair. The wordโs overused and banalified now, despair, but itโs a serious word, and Iโm using it seriously. For me it denotes a simple admixture โ a weird yearning for death combined with a crushing sense of my own smallness and futility that presents as a fear of death. Itโs maybe close to what people call dread or angst. But itโs not these things, quite. Itโs more like wanting to die in order to escape the unbearable feeling of becoming aware that Iโm small and weak and selfish and going without any doubt at all to die. Itโs wanting to jump overboard.
David Foster Wallace