Here is how to handle being a feral prodigy.

You have decided being scared is caused mostly by thinking.

The way I think about things and experience things is not particularly linear, and it's not orderly, and it's not pyramidical, and there are a lot of loops.

I felt the sort of soaring, ceilingless tedium that transcends tedium and becomes worry.

It can become an exercise in trying to get the reader to like and admire you instead of an exercise in creative art.

No single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable.

What TV is extremely good at - and realize that this is 'all it does' - is discerning what large numbers of people think they want, and supplying it.