You should never write your own resume, personal ad, or obituary. In all three cases it is better to show your humility by letting someone else lie for you.
Once you let go of your morals, everything becomes funny
Which is more improbable - that the trillions of solar systems in the known universe exploded from something smaller than a pinhead or that there is an invisible, omniscient moral intelligence present everywhere that has the highest tolerance for cruelty?