instead i head to the computer and it's like i turn into a little girl who's just seen her first rainbow. i get all giddy and nervous and hopeful and despairing and i tell myself not to look obsessively at my buddy list, but it might as well be projected onto the insides of my eyelids. at 8:05 his name pops up, and i start to count. i only get to twelve before his IM pops up.

I am starting to get tired of relying on words.

I am starting to get tired of relying on words. They are full of meaning, yes, but they lack sensation. Writing to her is not the same as seeing her face as she listens. hearing back from her is not the same as hearing her voice. I have always been grateful for technology, but now it feels as if there's a little hitch of separation woven into any digital interaction. I want to be there, and this scares me. All my usual disconnected comforts are bieng taken away, now that I see the greater comfort of presence.

You know, I'd get a tattoo with your name on it. Only, I want you to have the freedom to change your name if you want to.

Ignorance is not bliss. Bliss is knowing the full meaning of what you have been given.

Dispel, v. It was the way you said, “I have something to tell you.” I could feel the magic drain from the room.

I get it. The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end.