instead i head to the computer and it's like i turn into a little girl who's just seen her first rainbow. i get all giddy and nervous and hopeful and despairing and i tell myself not to look obsessively at my buddy list, but it might as well be projected onto the insides of my eyelids. at 8:05 his name pops up, and i start to count. i only get to twelve before his IM pops up.

I am breathing. In dreams, we never bother to breathe.

Without you I wouldn't have been able to contain the hate. I would have used it against myself. You're the one who helped me control it. My mind spun out to other things. But it always came back to you.

Sometimes when you hit send, you can imagine the message going straight into the person's heart. But other times, like this time, it feels like the words are merely falling into a well.

detachment, n. Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it.

Every two people cause and intersection. Every person alters the world.

But death is not freedom. For a moment, it can look like freedom. But then it's death. Anything. Something. Nothing.