We always loved to say 'If I'd had a Monday-morning class, I never would have met you'. Or 'If you'd been reading something else, none of this would have happened'. We didn't believe in fate, but we believed in serendipity. We felt very lucky.

But I want to feel like life matters. I had something real with you, but then the realness scared me. I decided to go for other things instead.

You can't actually have a romance between friends. That sort of defeats the definition of the word "romance." The word you're looking for is "love." It's a love between friends, just as there's also love between lovers, or possible lovers, or even ex-lovers. Same holds true for "bromance" - it's just a clever word used to avoid the word love, for straight boys who don't want that old-fashioned taint of gayness. Dudes, you love each other. Deal with it.

I still don’t know if this is a good quality or a bad one, to be able to be in the moment and then step out of it.

It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.

hubris, n. Every time I call you mine, I feel like I'm forcing it, as if saying it can make it so. As if I'm reminding you, and reminding the universe: mine. As if that one word from me could have that kind of power.

I find my greatest strengths in wanting ti be strong. I find my greatest bravery in deciding to be brave.