I don't even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat.

The way you make money is to do something you don't like to do. And that's how you know you're a virtuous person.

I've always liked Richard Pryor. I've always responded to rhythmic profanity.

I've never been good at self-promotion. And my URL is really obscure. And for years and years, there was nothing about me on my website.

I don't think I would've ever dared dreaming of becoming a professional cartoonist. I wouldn't set myself up for that disappointment.

The time that I would spend revisiting my old Get Your War On strips is more profitably spent Googling myself and reading comments about how people hate my pencil-sharpening business.

I'm not a professional comedian. Nobody comes to my comedy shows. That's just a little hobby.