I don't even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat.

The time that I would spend revisiting my old Get Your War On strips is more profitably spent Googling myself and reading comments about how people hate my pencil-sharpening business.

I felt really conflicted about making money off stuff that's creatively satisfying.

I was just worried that someone was gonna think that I had been commissioned by Jamba Juice to make cartoons about Jamba Juice. And the big thing for me was - if I'm not getting paid to sell out, I don't want people to think that I'm selling out.

Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.

I had good relationships with stores. And I was like, "All right, I'll self-publish it. But I'm only going to do 1,000."

I never thought I would make a living as a pencil-sharpener. The first goal was: I don't want to lose money. And then the goal was: I want to see if 100 people buy my pencils. I just kept upping the benchmarks.