Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.

Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two houres and they go over the edge.

It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.

I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.