There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
David SedarisSay what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
David SedarisIn my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
David SedarisIn Japanese and Italian, the response to ["How are you?"] is "I'm fine, and you?" In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight pause, followed by "Not so good.
David SedarisThe woman in charge of costuming assigned us our outfits and gave us a lecture on keeping things clean. She held up a calendar and said, "Ladies, you know what this is. Use it. I have scraped enough blood out from the crotches of elf knickers to last me the rest of my life. And don't tell me, 'I don't wear underpants, I'm a dancer.' You're not a dancer. If you were a real dancer you wouldn't be here. You're an elf and you're going to wear panties like an elf.
David Sedaris