As long as I have laughter, I am not without hope

Of course, I don't know everything. Considering the infinite amount of knowledge that one could acquire in a virtually innumerable array of intellectual disciplines, it's probably more accurate to say that I don't know anything.

If one's friends do not openly laugh at him, they are not in fact his friends.

Every human being has appetites difficult to control but far fewer have humility, gentleness, and an awareness of their weaknesses.

Please, don't torture me with cliches. If you're going to try to intimidate me, have the courtesy to go away for a while, acquire a better education, improve your vocabulary, and come back with some fresh metaphors.

He once told me that an August evening was "as hot as three toads in a Cuisinart," a comparison that left me blinking two days later.

If Edgar Allan Poe were alive today, his agent would be constantly slapping him upside the head with tightly rolled copies of his brilliant short stories and novelettes, yelling, 'Full-length novels, you moron! Pay attention! What's the matter with you -- are you shooting heroin or something? Write for the market! No more of this midlength 'Fall of the House of Usher' crap