I don't get a lot of "Hey, Harvard!" stuff. I think a lot of people who don't know me would be surprised to think that I went there. But no, I don't. You know, I'm from the Midwest, man - that shapes my personality much more than having gone to Harvard.

When you're a stand-up, you play in front of 600 people, and it's all about timing. I could never do stand-up comedy; it would be way too hard for me.

When my kids started preschool, the teachers had to take away all the fake bananas because all the boys would pick them up and pretend that they were guns. Boys find sticks to play swords and anything that looks like a gun to shoot. It's just inside of them. It's who they are.

You go into any doughnut shop and look at three cops having coffee, I guarantee I look like one of them.

If I have a day off I will play golf.

You know, I'm from the Midwest, man - that shapes my personality much more than having gone to Harvard.

As a matter of fact, I am an uncle. I have nine nephews and nieces. I'm not sure if they think I'm all that quick with a quip. But I'm quick with a spank.