And with each step my heart broke for the person I would never find, the person who'd love me. And then I would remember I had a wife at home who loved me, or later that my wife had left me and I was terrirfied, or again later that I had a beautiful alcoholic girlfriend who would make me happy forever. But every time I entered the place there were veiled faces promising everything and then clarifying quickly into the dull, the usual, looking up at me and making the same mistake.
Denis JohnsonWeโd torn open our chests and shown our cowardly hearts, and you can never stay friends after something like that
Denis JohnsonAnd therefore I looked down into the great pity of a personโs life on this earth. I donโt mean that we all end up dead, thatโs not the great pity. I mean that he couldnโt tell me what he was dreaming, and I couldnโt tell him what was real.
Denis JohnsonThink of being curled up and floating in a darkness. Even if you could think, even if you had an imagination, would you ever imagine its opposite, this miraculous world the Asian Taoists call the "Ten Thousand Things"? And if the darkness just got darker? And then you were dead? What would you care? How would you eve know the difference?
Denis JohnsonThrough this feeling of helplessness suddenly burst a piercing nostalgia for the lost world of childhood. The way it came right up against the heart, that world, and against the face. No indoors or outdoors, only everything touching us, and the grown-ups lumbering past overhead like constellations.
Denis Johnson