The writer is driven by his conviction that some truths aren't arrived at so easily, that life is still full of mystery, that it might be better for you, Dear Reader, if you went back to the Living section of your newspaper because this is the dying section and you don't really want to be here.

Ecology is boring for the same reason that destruction is fun.

holes are interesting. there are books about holes.

It was only when I found myself writing things I didn't realise I knew that I said, 'I'm a writer now.'

I am very unmusical. I can't carry a tune. I would never be able to play an instrument.

Explain me to myself, you’ll make me choke on my lunch. Feel sympathy for me, I’ll puke monkey blood on your understated shoes.

Doesn't seem quite real. It's not meaningful. I can't quite imagine myself being 73. That's the age my father was! [Laughter.] How can I be his age? It's weird.