Remember how, back in 1990, if you used a cellphone in public you looked like a total asshole? We're all assholes now.

I sandpapered the roof of my mouth with 3 bowls of Cap'n Crunch - had raw gobbets of mouth-beef dangling onto my tongue all day

Life need not be a story, but it does need to be an adventure.

What surprises me about humanity is that in the end such a narrow range of plights defines our moral lives.

After you're dead and buried and floating around whatever place we go to, what's going to be your best memory of Earth? What one moment for you defines what it's like to be alive on this planet? What's your takeaway? Fake yuppie experiences that you had to spend money on, like white water rafting or elephant rides in Thailand don't count. I want to hear some small moment from your life that proves you're really alive.

ETHNOMAGNETISM: The tendency of young people to live in emotionally demonstrative, more unrestrained ethnic neighborhoods: 'You wouldn't understand it there, mother - they hug where I live now.'

Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives; the rest is filler.