What's a bar bill but a surtax on reality?

Death without the possibility of ever changing the world is the same as a life that never was.

I'd take a helicopter up and throw microwave ovens down on the Taco Bell.

...and when you meet someone and fall in love, and they fall in love with you, you ask them "Will you take my heart-- stains and all?" and they say "I will," and they ask you the same question and you say, "I will," too.

How can I be a part of the 1960s generation when I don't even remember any of it?

You know, I really think that when God puts together families, he sticks his finger into the white pages and selects a group of people at random and then says to them all, 'Hey! You're going to spend the next seventy years together, even though you have nothing in common and don't even like each other. And, should you not feel yourself caring about any of this group of strangers, even for a second, you will just feel dreadful

If cats were double the size they are now, they'd probably be illegal.