If there's anyone still present whom I've failed to insult . . . I apologize.

The artist's job? To be a miracle worker: make the blind see, the dull feel, the dead to live.

Mayonnaise, like hollandaise, was invented by the French to cover up the flavor of spoiled flesh, stale vegetables, rotten fish. Beware the sauce! Where food comes beslobbered with an elegant slime you may well suspect the integrity of the basic ingredients.

A cowboy is a farm boy in leather britches and a comical hat.

Baseball is a slow, sluggish game, with frequent and trivial interruptions, offering the spectator many opportunities to reflect at leisure upon the situation on the field: This is what a fan loves most about the game

The best people, like the best wines, come from the hills.

Men love their ideas more than their lives. And the more preposterous the idea, the more eager they are to die for it. And to kill for it.