My own best books have not been published. In fact, they've not even been written yet.

You can't belay a man who's falling in love.

Anyone not paranoid in this world must be crazy. . . . Speaking of paranoia, it's true that I do not know exactly who my enemies are. But that of course is exactly why I'm paranoid.

The nuclear bomb took all the fun out of war.

The consolation of reading biography: Most great men have led lives even more miserable than our own.

I've wrecked and ravaged half my life in the pursuit of women, and I suffer the pangs of about seventeen regrets -- the seventeen who got away.

It's a fool's life, a rogue's life, and a good life if you keep laughing all the way to the grave.