Morality is the thing upon which your friends smile, and immorality is the thing upon which they frown

Heaven: The Coney Island of the Christian imagination.

When a man sends you an impudent letter, sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded, and then throw both letters in the wastebasket.

Some men succeed by what they know; some by what they do; and a few by what they are.

If you don't advertise yourself you will be advertised by your loving enemies.

As a career, the business of an orthodox preacher is about as successful as that of a celluloid dog chasing an asbestos cat through hell.

Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer to your goal.